Great weekend, eh

I left Toronto yesterday after a fantastic stay. Alaina had invited me to come back to MECCA to help with Carlson Gracie team training; Mark Stables, the black belt who runs MECCA, has his lineage under Marcus Soares, who is a black belt under Carlson, Sr. So it was all in the family. She also arranged for me to do a seminar.

It was a fabulous weekend for many reasons. Most of those reasons have to do with how awesome Mark is. First of all, obviously, he is a black belt, and from what I remember of rolling with him in August, doing so is like putting your entire body in a very friendly, very good natured vise. Second, I learned that he appeared in a video for Lee Aaron, a Canadian pop singer from the late 80s or early 90s. You can see the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVIFVUX6nSM. Mark is the one who looks like Milli. Or maybe Vanilli. I can't tell. He is for sure the one who at the very end puts his face in his hands, and throughout the video, he looks a little bit bored and rides a motorcycle, thereby cementing his all around badassery.

And finally, Mark is awesome because he let me do a seminar at his academy, for which I am grateful. Alaina is awesome for inviting me in the first place. We had a good turnout, with lots of fun and interested people, and said people laughed at my jokes and seemed to learn something, so I'm happy. And the people at MECCA just rock. Kind of like Lee Aaron. (And by extension, Mark.)

Back in SoCal for about a minute

I got back from Chicago yesterday morning. I had a fantastic trip to Chicago, and I got to train with some great old training partners, including Issac, who recently got his black belt from Leo Dalla. (Congrats to him! LOOOOOOONG overdue!) We rolled for about an hour--he worked me and I hung on for dear life. I was reminded of the fact that I nicknamed him. One time, years ago, before I left Chicago, I had been rolling with Issac and when we were done, I laughed at how easily he kicked my ass--all while smiling the entire time. So I said, "You're like this happy assassin!"

And the name stuck. And not only does that punk smile--he giggles sometimes. But it's seriously just because he's having so much fun. And when you're rolling with him, you can't help but feel that way yourself. Our friend Natasha was watching, and she said I had a dopey smile pasted on my face too. In addition, among other cool people I got to play with, I rolled with Jen Torino, who had been at the most recent women's grappling camp. She drove in from Madison to play and then had lunch with me and Natasha.

So now I'm back--for a couple days--and then on Friday I head out again. I'll be going to Toronto for the weekend to help with team training at MECCA, the place that hosted the camp that Jen went to. They have invited me back again. I'm pretty stoked to see everyone--and to eat shawarma from this place called Ali Baba that's right down the street (lived there this summer).

In the meantime, I have started at http://www.teamcrossfitacademy.com, both as a student and as an intern. I have SOOOO much to learn, about weightlifting and about being an instructor. I'm really really excited to get started! The atmosphere there is so welcoming and fun, and the people are friendly and informed about CrossFit. I think I'll be happy there.

Right now I'm very sleepy. I've been getting up at 5am during the week this week and last, to train and to observe classes at TCFA and then training. I have also been slowly getting myself back on the Paleo-ish wagon, after a couple weeks of just being off the wagon. Right before Thanksgiving probably isn't the best time to do this. Or maybe it's absolutely the best time.

Time flies

It's already over a week since I wrote last. I lost my first match in the open at the No-Gi Worlds. It was against Gabrielle Garcia, whom I just cannot get a handle on. She is beatable, though, as Hillary Williams expertly displayed. So I have some work to do.

I'm in Chicago now, for a variety of reasons, and started at http://www.teamcrossfitacademy.com on Tuesday. I made it into the internship program, so I'm going to be spending a lot of time there! More detail soon; right now, Natasha and I are headed out to help Eshanthika celebrate her birthday!

No-gi Worlds

Sunday is the No-gi Worlds. There's nobody in my weight class, but there are about 9 of us in the open. I'm planning to do the same thing I did when I competed in the Mundial in June--smile and have fun. Not a single other thought in my head right now, so I'll keep it brief.

Nope

I got back from Portland on Monday morning and was back into the swing of my life a few hours later. Even after a chocolate-covered, cream-filled "cock-and-balls" donut from Voodoo, I'm still not inclined to move there, though Eben and I discussed the possibility of me substituting for him from time to time so he can travel. That would definitely be a shot in the arm. I found a coffee shop near the academy that was great for extended hanging out, and Portland definitely has many things to recommend it, including and especially my friends Jon and Alison, with whom I got to take their 9-month-old trick-or-treating in the neighborhood.

It was bittersweet to see them. Sweet because they are fantastic friends from way way back, and there's no substitute for that. Bitter because they have a lifestyle that I don't have but am thinking I would like to have. But maybe I don't want that lifestyle, because I haven't chosen it so far. But maybe I'm ready for it and am frustrated that I can't find it. I have been trying to explain what I want to selected friends, and the only/best way I can articulate it is that I don't only want to be a grappler anymore. I want to be a person and, God help me, a woman. And I don't feel like I am making the time/effort to be either of those things in any meaningful way. And I don't trust that I'd be able to express all of those facets of me if I stay here. But maybe my preoccupation with the geographic cure is just in my head. In other words, I have to work on that shit regardless of where I am. But I don't know how to work on it.

So in some ways I'm back to square one: dissatisfied with things but not sure how to fix them. So I'm also back to doing nothing. I don't know exactly what I want to be doing, so I take it literally minute by minute. I HAVE to make money, so I'm teaching my writing and qualitative methods courses online. And I HAVE to eat, so I'm fogging down some non-Paleo stuff this week before I get back on a mostly Paleo diet next week. And I HAVE to sleep--and I do as much of that as possible. Other than that, my life is a crap shoot. I'm signed up for the no-gi worlds, but am reserving the right to bail; I hemmed and hawed for literally hours before making my decision to register. I'm thinking that one way to signal to the universe that I want something different--that I want to be a PERSON--is to retire from competing. So, assuming I compete this weekend, it could be my swan song. I know I have threatened this before, and maybe I will again. We'll see. I'm on the edge of my seat as much as anybody.

I'm traveling again for the next couple weekends starting next weekend, through Thanksgiving, and that seems again to reflect my ambivalence about being here. I won't bail on any of those trips, but in my day-to-day life, I am doing what I want to and nothing more.

Eventually I hope I'll get tired of my own dejection and snap out of it. It hasn't happened yet. Usually the people around me get sick of it first, but nobody has called me on it. Maybe because I am cranky and everyone is avoiding me. Meh.

Deja vu all over again

I'm in Portland. Having a really nice time so far, but not feeling any real affinity with the place that would make me move here. Admittedly, I haven't been to Voodoo Doughnut yet, but what I am feeling is the sense I had when I was on my walkabout/vision quest: It's a nice place to visit but I have to move on. The twist this time is that I want to land somewhere. Well, I don't need to make any decisions right now. I'm just going to enjoy being out of LA and getting some perspective on that.

I'm also officially and thoroughly off Paleo, at least for the weekend. I started slowly yesterday, with some sips and crackers at a wine sale, and then I progressed steadily through some mac and cheese, cheese-covered bruschetta, fried calamari, and a mini chocolate sundae. No real ill effects. My stomach was more vocal than normal, but I'm feeling okay. Gonna train in a bit, so we'll see how I feel performance-wise. Later today I'll see some college friends and tomorrow I'll see some high school friends and try to walk around and take in as much of the city as possible.

For now, pass the sugar! I'm off the wagon--with a vengeance!.

Heavy lifting

Over the weekend I deadlifted 290lbs. That's a personal record for me; my old PR was 285. I tried 295 first, and that was just not going anywhere. And 290 was a true PR--it took everything I had, and then when I put the bar back down I had to stay bent over for a couple seconds while I waited for the blood to rush back to my head.

I'm getting excited for my trip to Portland. Eben has graciously agreed to host me, which should be fun; he lives over the New Breed there, and it's across the street from a dive bar called something like the Copper Penny. The plan is to train some, check out a few of the CrossFit gyms in the area, see some friends who live there, eat my weight in Voodoo Doughnuts, and otherwise get a feel for the place to see if I might like to live there. I also need to figure out a Halloween costume.

I'm nervous about the trip, too, because of the what ifs: What if this amounts to nothing, what if I'm unable to imagine myself living there, and what if after this trip I'm still right where I started: unhappy in SoCal but not sure what to do about it? Well, I'm trying not to worry about that before there's a need, but I like to plan ahead, I guess. It's a blessing and a curse. At the very least, I just have to trust that whether or not I end up moving to Portland, it's my necessary next step, and taking it will lead me to my NEXT necessary next step. I have to go to Portland. That's all I know right now. That's all I get to know, I guess.

Meantime, I'm still training and CrossFitting a bunch, in preparation for the No-Gi Worlds. Not much else to report until my next spate of trips starts: Chicago to see my friend Natasha's Second City production (and train at Carlson Jr's), Toronto to help with MECCA team training and maybe do a seminar, and then downstate IL for Thanksgiving. So I'll be back to being busy/distracted, which will be a good thing but also maybe too much of an escape. I'll have to make a point of figuring out how to create a life for myself that I don't want to spend all my time going out of town from. While I'm going out of town a lot.